In physics the other day my teacher started having this coughing fit
so he says ‘I THINK SATAN IS CHOKING ME’
and I just went ‘Sorry’ and he stopped coughing
omg I think everyone in my class is terrified now.
i am still laughing at this from like twenty minutes ago
(Source: neverendingretrodream)

once i was having a sleepover and it was like three in the morning and my friend just says ‘what if there was a store just for food?’
then three minutes later she blurted out ‘grocery store’
(Source: aprilfuckingdwyer)
imagine ‘anon crushes’ in real life
someone runs up to you dressed in like a tarp with a paper bag over their head and yells SORRY I LIKE YOU A LOT before vaulting over a table and sprinting away
my dashboard is 90% depressive posts but it should be 100% baby squid posts let get this squid party moving along
Here’s a serious advice. Even the nicest people have their limits. Don’t try to reach that point because the nicest people are also the scariest assholes when they’ve had enough.